I just saw something on Yahoo that said, "Can a guy be too nice?" This reminded me of one guy in specific from my past, then got me thinking to another, then I got to thinking, "I never think about this stuff anymore!" That's good, according to my husband and Eckhart Tolle. The past is the past and should be left there. Okay, that's fine, not really the point of the post. The point would be, I have this new mom life where everything, everything, (EVERYTHING!?) has changed.
As stated on the episode of Oprah that featured moms being honest, "You have to redefine yourself once you become a mother. You can never go back to the woman you were before having kids."
I totally and whole-heartedly agree with this statement.
Kids aren't just brought into your life with graceful ease. They aren't dropped off on the doorstep by a stork and everything is the same, yet there is this lovely addition in your life. Baby comes. Life drastically altered.
I close my eyes and envision how I would like my home to look. Even with kids. I'm thinking Pottery Barn-esque but a little less expensive all the way around. And even a little less tidy. Then I open my eyes. Let me just close them again for a minute....okay, okay, then I open my eyes and see toys, tissues on the table (used!), shoes and dirty socks all over the floor, blocks and puzzle pieces (potential hazard to parents feet as we are walking through the room). I see sippys and books and dust and stains and lots and lots of things out of place.
Life is different with these little angels (monsters?). And again, I'm so very different. I'm a different woman than I thought I'd be, as a mom. And, as another common mom theme, there is a lot of guilt.
Today specifically, for an unknown reason, I thought a lot about my potential. Not my potential as a mom, really, but my potential as a person. I know in my heart that I am not giving enough, not doing enough, and not making enough of a difference. I can and should be doing more. But I'm thinking of myself pre-mom. Now, I have to redefine myself, and that, my friends, is certainly a work in progress.
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One thing I think you have to consider when you begin your journey of self discovery (ok that statement makes me sound like an old man w/ a pipe) is that you have YOUNG children. Even though you don't feel you do enough, you're more than likely doing a great deal. The younger the children, the more time they consume. They just NEED more. I think that once the kids get a little older you will fine plenty of ways to give more. More to the community, more to your housekeeping routine, and more whatever you find that catches your attention.
I know you are a fantastic person with a lot to give, I hope that you can find a happy balance in Erica the mom, and Erica the person. I, myself, and going thru the same thing.. only w/ less craziness :)
Remember, being a mom is a job. One that doesn't give overtime compenstation or a bonus. It is a job that pays w/ feeling. Stop feeling guilty and things. You only live once, so live FULLY!! :) Besides, I can't imagine you doing anything but that!!!
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