I had a bad dream last night. My mom died. I woke up this morning wondering if that was just the overload of my mind spewing into my dreams because it had nowhere else to go. Yesterday was emotional. Seven hours in a car with three kids will do that to you. I ride so many emotional roller coasters as a mom. Sometimes I wonder if my blogs could possibly make people not want to have kids. That would be so awful. But seriously, I wonder that. Then I realize, "Okay, Erica. Stop fooling yourself. Not that many people are out there reading your blog." Then I calm down.
What I have to say at this moment is that I am in awe of mothers who take care of children with disabilities, handicaps, autism, disease, illness, cancer. It is SO hard to take care of perfectly healthy, beautiful, wonderful children. Because in their perfect beauty (seriously, I look at Izzy's face and think she could not be more perfect), they cry. They scream. They teethe. Between my, "Julian is so cute. I want to eat that face!" there are "I am throwing him in the trash can!" moments. And as for Adrienne, my angel. She kicks. She says hurtful things. She is a slow potty trainer. She drives Julian up the wall. She gets cranky.
I love my kids so much. I would die. I can't express the emotions that come to me when I think about how precious they are in my life. It brings me to tears because I know people who have children who have any number of problems. And I know I am so blessed. So, so, so blessed.
What a hard job this is, motherhood.
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Girl, I totally know how you feel w/ this blog. I have many times looked at Hunter and realized how lucky B and I are that we have him and that he's healthy and full of life.
It's important we, and moms everywhere, realized how blessed we are that we have the wonderful joys that children bring to our lives. Taking time to make the most w/ them, even when you'd rather run into the bathroom, lock the door and give yourself a "time out".
It is funny that you posted this b/c just last night I lay awake wondering what Lillian would be like. Will she look like Hunter? Brandon? Me? Will she be healthy? Will everything go ok when it is time to have her? Then as I tired to calm myself down to a more rational state of mind, I remembered that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. It is that simple.
I have said from my 3+ years of teaching that I didn't know how some people raise children w/ special needs. I did my best when the child was in my class, but I never really had a connection w/ one of those said children. I don't think it was me. I just think that for some people, they just "get" them. With that said, I do know that if that should be our fate, I would learn what I needed and be successful w/ raising my child.
So I thank you for this blog. It helps me regain focus. I, too, am grateful for the blessings I've been delt w/ Hunter and whatever lies ahead.. though I might lose my mind at times, I will also feel blessed for.
Kiss all those cute kids of yours for me and keep being the awesome MOM that you are!!! You're doing great!!!
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