Update your status.

I've realized that my blog is really my facebook status. I can update it on my phone, and do, often. Blogging is just too time consuming, and who has time? Certainly not me. I'm not giving up on blogging. It's just that every time I get a second to sit down and do it, like now, someone starts crying. Like now.

Back again.

Where do I start? Not only have I not blogged for about three months, I don't think I've written in a journal in that long either. If you know anything about me, you know that is terribly, terribly rare. Almost sinful for me. I opened my journal last night and it said, "I'm 7 1/2 weeks pregnant." Wow. I'm 36 weeks. That's been too many weeks.

I think this pregnancy has gone about as fast as the turn of that page in my journal. It's actually very scary and I'm praying very hard so that I don't develop panic about the fact that another person is going to be in my family in less than 30 days.

JUNE 6?!

Where the hell have I been!? Someone should have slapped me by now. I'll get moving on this, I promise...

Potty time.

Some things are just too good for a facebook status update. Julian woke up this morning and went straight into the bathroom and peed in the potty. And his diaper was dry through the night. And he's been peeing and pooping in the potty all week. And, (this is the best part!) I have not been encouraging it! It's been all on his own! Now I'm not going to be fooled into saying my kid is 100% potty trained or anything, but he is doing so well! I put real big boy underpants on him today - risky I know. But we will see how it progresses. I'm so proud of him. And he is being such a little prince. So much of his negative behavior is gone, and he is being such a little helper. I know there are days and blogs where I want to throw someone out the window (first story, of course), but today is SO GOOD on this potty front.

The art of nesting.

I'm going to be 'nesting' (an expecting mother's sudden and/or persistent urge to clean, organize or otherwise prepare for a baby's birth) for the next 20 weeks. This house is driving me crazy. Why did I find a sippy cup in the kitchen drawer today? Because I have kids. Why do I have an ice scraper sitting by the back door in the middle of summer? NOT because I have kids. Because we have a random, cluttered house. We have some things that definitely don't belong where they are and we have too many junk drawers. As a matter of fact, every drawer is a junk drawer. Even non-drawers are junk drawers. The top of our refrigerator is a junk drawer. Our basement is a junk drawer. My darling daughter's sorry excuse for a dresser even has a junk drawer in it. Does anyone else have duct tape, a screwdriver, batteries, hair ribbons and medicine in their child's drawer? Those are honestly the things in there. Not only does that sound scary, dangerous, and worrysome, it also sounds messy, sloppy, and careless! JUNK!!! Someone, please get me out of this junk. BJ and I always joke that it would be nice to be robbed because things would get cleaned up! Someone get this clutter junk out of my life before I go crazy!! And at my husband's request, I'm shortening my blog posts. GET ME OUT OF THIS JUNK, YO!

I'm getting there. (Haven't I used that as a title before?)

I was so grateful to have my mother watch my children while my husband and I went to South Dakota for a wedding last weekend. I would have preferred for the wedding to have been in Hawaii, but anyway. I was determined to get the 'break' that I needed so badly, and to some extent, I did. I got a nap on Saturday and a nap on Sunday before I picked up the kids.
So I picked up the kids with renewed vigor about my job as a mom. I had been frustrated as of late because my 2 1/2 year old has been a little rascal, and I haven't been able to deal well with him. I was certain that this time away would give me some energy to face mommahood again.
And actually, Monday and Tuesday (today's Tuesday, nap time) have been great! Julian didn't get his first time out until 5:30 yesterday evening, as opposed to the usual 7:30 a.m.
I've realized (this is a pretty general realization that hopefully most moms have reached) a lot of the way that these kids act is based on how I act, and how I react to them. So I've been trying REALLY hard, not to go from 0-60 in one second.
Yesterday, thanks to a packed weekend with grandma, the kids napped gloriously. I had gone shopping the night before and during naps I made dinner, cooked extra chicken, cooked and seasoned ground beef, cut veggies and made a salad. And watched the Brothers and Sisters finale on abc.com. How's that for time well spent!? I was so proud of myself, and I'm so calm today because everything is ready for tacos tonight, it just needs heated up at dinner time.
What an accomplishment for me as a mom. Today I took clothes to the dry cleaner, mailed a package and bought stamps at the post office, played outside and took a walk with the kids, and got three children to simultaneously nap. Okay, to the trained mom or non-mom, these feats may seem laughable, but I'm damn proud of my two days. And if you know me at all, you know that is more than I have accomplished in two days than I usually do in a week. So, I'm standing tall today. (Okay, I'm standing tall everyday, but today I'm proud to.)

My new mom life.

I just saw something on Yahoo that said, "Can a guy be too nice?" This reminded me of one guy in specific from my past, then got me thinking to another, then I got to thinking, "I never think about this stuff anymore!" That's good, according to my husband and Eckhart Tolle. The past is the past and should be left there. Okay, that's fine, not really the point of the post. The point would be, I have this new mom life where everything, everything, (EVERYTHING!?) has changed.

As stated on the episode of Oprah that featured moms being honest, "You have to redefine yourself once you become a mother. You can never go back to the woman you were before having kids."
I totally and whole-heartedly agree with this statement.

Kids aren't just brought into your life with graceful ease. They aren't dropped off on the doorstep by a stork and everything is the same, yet there is this lovely addition in your life. Baby comes. Life drastically altered.

I close my eyes and envision how I would like my home to look. Even with kids. I'm thinking Pottery Barn-esque but a little less expensive all the way around. And even a little less tidy. Then I open my eyes. Let me just close them again for a minute....okay, okay, then I open my eyes and see toys, tissues on the table (used!), shoes and dirty socks all over the floor, blocks and puzzle pieces (potential hazard to parents feet as we are walking through the room). I see sippys and books and dust and stains and lots and lots of things out of place.

Life is different with these little angels (monsters?). And again, I'm so very different. I'm a different woman than I thought I'd be, as a mom. And, as another common mom theme, there is a lot of guilt.

Today specifically, for an unknown reason, I thought a lot about my potential. Not my potential as a mom, really, but my potential as a person. I know in my heart that I am not giving enough, not doing enough, and not making enough of a difference. I can and should be doing more. But I'm thinking of myself pre-mom. Now, I have to redefine myself, and that, my friends, is certainly a work in progress.

Giving up.

What happened? I didn't give up blogging for Lent. I gave up facebook for Lent. I guess a lot of the Internet activity went with it. But here I am again. Back with a vengeance, right?

Wow, a lot has happened since I have last blogged. The Duggar's became grandparents. Lots of other things. Quite a few things in my world, too. Hopefully many of them will be shared here soon.

Most recently in my area of the news, there's this new thing going on about motherhood. It was on Oprah. There's a new show about it. In the Motherhood on ABC. And I just read a story about it today in the Wall Street Journal. It's this whole honesty thing that mothers have never done that is now becoming the new black. In my mind, I'm extremely comforted by the fact that all of this, Motherhood is hard, being a mom isn't as glamorous as I thought it would be kind of stuff. But I've been blogging about it for months. It's just good to know that other moms are out there, struggling, being real, having bad days, et cetera.

None of it is focus on the good stuff, though. That may be another post for me. I'm sure much more will be on here soon as I am being reintroduced to my wonderful release of blogging. (Thanks, Miranda!)

More soon from the mommahood...

I am so blessed.

I have had an amazingly emotional and wonderful start of 2009. I keep telling myself, and sometimes freaking myself out about it, that I could not be more blessed. My life could not be any better.

I have been so blessed in these 29 years of life. I think to myself, if something awful happens, if I suddenly get a stroke of bad luck, remember the awesome life you have had!! God has blessed me with these amazing years that I have very little to complain about. I have three gorgeous, healthy, happy children. I get to stay at home with my kids, as my job! I have an awesome, very cute, very successful, very smart, and very loving husband. We have food, clothing and shelter, and some extra perks along the way. God has been so good.

Sometimes I feel guilty for what I can not control. I have friends who have been through some unbelievably difficult times in their lives. I wonder why I have not. I wonder why they have to. I wonder why there are so many awful things that happen in this world that we can not control. And sometimes, even though I try to stop it, I wonder when it will be my turn.

I've gotten a lot better, though. I sleep a lot better. I am calmer. I have more faith, more trust than ever. I've become a stronger, more peaceful, more comfortable, more confident person during the past year.

I frequently say that I have had the best nine months of my life. Since little Izzy was born, I have felt so incredibly whole. So content. Our family has flourished with love. We have grown. We have been blessed, blessed, blessed with BJ's new job and our move to Indianapolis. We have been blessed with wonderful families and friends whose support abounds.

Thanks.

I'm whole again!

I can breathe. I feel whole. I have a space bar! My life is complete. Funny thing is, I'm having to relearn how to use my thumb for the space bar. When it was broken, the only way you could get a space was by pushing this little button. The actual space bar was not on the computer. Since I couldn't push it with my thumb, I used my index finger. So now it's like trying to learn how to speak French when you haven't for five years: Everything is all mixed up!

But I do feel whole, able to blog, to write. My little Adri angel colored Sharpie all over her legs and arms today instead of napping. It was so precious. I guess I'd rather it be on her body than on the wall or the couch.

Today's been a great day. My parents had the kids for the weekend, and returned them late last night, bathed, jammied and sleeping - what's better than that? Today has been so fun. I can tell they really missed me. They are being so good and so am I. :) We are definitely having a great day. I wish every mom day could be like today.

This blog has no point, sorry, but I just need to get back on the horse. So, I'll post. And expect many, many more awesome posts from me in the near future. Who knew life with a space bar could be this good?!